


If It Fits, I Sits

by For-Chan Cookie (ForChanCookie)



Series: Post Traumatic Cat Disorder [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cats, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cat Dwalin, Cat Thorin, Cats, Fluff, Gift Giving, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3286247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForChanCookie/pseuds/For-Chan%20Cookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peanut butter and jelly. Spaghetti and meatballs. Cats and boxes. Dwalin and Thorin. Some things just belong together. </p>
<p>AKA The one where Thorin and Dwalin are cats and play in a box. Also Bofur and Bilbo are there, but they are not cats. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Fits, I Sits

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting around in my WIPs for a while. I figured it was finally time to kick it out of the nest. 
> 
> Slightly inspired by [this](http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/e67ff2acb0/irresistible-gifs-of-cats-in-boxes) and just about any other cat in a box picture you can think of. Like this picture of a Maine Coon in a box that I borrowed:
> 
> [ ](http://bestcatgodfrey.com/category/maine-coon-cat-godfrey/)
> 
> Hope you enjoy. :D 

“Ok, open your eyes,” Bofur said, a smile evident in his voice.

“Oh! You shouldn’t have!” Bilbo gasped as he saw the large box that Bofur had procured for his birthday. 

“Of course I should have. It’s not like my boyfriend has a birthday every day. You always do so much for me. I wanted to get you something you’d really like,” he said as he walked over and sat next to Bilbo.

“I wonder what it could be,” he said, inspecting the large box. The cats were also checking it out as it was something new.

“Why don’t you unwrap it and find out?” Bofur urged, nudging Bilbo.

“I don’t know, I rather like the suspense,” Bilbo said. He grinned as Bofur practically danced in his seat. 

“You are quite the terror,” Bofur complained with a pout. He jumped at a sudden thump. 

They turned to find that Dwalin had launched himself on top of the large box and was batting at the bow on top. Thorin, feeling left out, stretched himself up against the side of the box, mewing at Dwalin. His claw caught in the paper and tore it a bit. 

“Best get to unwrapping it before the cats do it for you,” Bofur urged. 

Bilbo heaved himself up off of the couch. “All right, all right. I suppose I’ll open it.”

“Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you with my gift of affection and undying devotion,” Bofur said, leaning forward. 

Bilbo shooed Dwalin off of the box. He plucked off the bow and tossed it to the cats to chase around before he began to tear into the paper. He stopped and gasped once he was able to read the box. “Bofur! You really shouldn’t have!” He exclaimed. He pulled the wrapping away much faster and was left staring at the box of a brand new stand mixer. 

“I really should have. You’ve been eyeing these things so lustfully lately, I was afraid you’d start an affair,” Bofur said, getting up and sliding his arms around Bilbo. 

“Oh shut up,” Bilbo grumbled, slapping Bofur’s arm. He stared down at the box as though unable to believe it was real. “What color is it?”

“The yellow one. Though why you wanted that color, I’ll never know.”

“It’s _Majestic Yellow_ ,” Bilbo said haughtily. “And it makes it look retro. I wasn’t looking for one of those sleek fire engine red ones. I wanted it to fit into the kitchen.”

“Your kitchen is a chaotic rainbow,” Bofur reminded him. “It could have been any color and it would have gone just fine.” The walls of the kitchen were a bright lemony yellow while all of the cabinets and shelves were a distressed green. Bilbo had a bright red antique stove and a teal refrigerator that looked like it had been pulled out of an ancient sitcom. He also had a matching dishwasher, that was bright orange, so it matched only in style, not color. His cooking implements were a riot of different shades and shapes, but despite it all, or rather because of it, the kitchen was incredibly cozy and welcoming. It probably had something to do with the wonderful smells lingering in there as Bilbo made various baked goods and delicious dishes. Bofur had put on quite a few pounds since they’d started dating. 

“Just the way I like it. This will fight right in,” Bilbo insisted. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t want it in purple. You don’t have anything in purple yet,” Bofur said. 

“Hmm.” He leaned back into Bofur. “I might have received a purple toaster for my birthday,” he said slowly.

“From who?” Bofur demanded.

“Thorin and Dwalin.”

Bofur blinked. “The cats gave you a toaster for your birthday?” He asked skeptically.

“Yes. And it looks quite fabulous on the counter,” Bilbo said, obviously pleased with himself. 

“You know what else will look good on the counter? Your _Majestic Yellow_ mixer. Let’s get it out of the box.” Bofur released Bilbo so he could pull his knife from his pocket. He carefully sliced through the tape on the box and together they wrestled the mixer out of the box and the styrofoam within. The styrofoam was quickly put away so the cats couldn’t eat it, but they were still too busy rolling around in the wrapping paper to care. 

Bofur carried the yellow mixer into the kitchen and they set it up next to the purple toaster before standing back to admire it. “I feel like I should make something in it,” Bilbo admitted. 

“Not right now. We have your little birthday bash to attend soon, so it’s best not to get too involved,” Bofur said, wrapping an arm around Bilbo and drawing him away. 

“I could just make a quick whipped cream,” Bilbo said in a wheedling tone. 

“How about we go back into the living room and watch the cats play with the wrapping paper,” Bofur suggested, guiding him out of the kitchen. 

Bilbo huffed, but let himself be led back to the couch. He sat down and curled into Bofur. “Thank you for my present. I love it,” he said as he leaned in to kiss him. 

Bofur smiled. “You’re welcome. I just hope you didn’t thank the cats for the toaster the same way.”

“As if. Thorin would get jealous if I kissed Dwalin like that,” Bilbo said. “He’s very protective of his boyfriend.”

“He’s very protective of you too,” Bofur reminded. “He has tried to murder me in your honor.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “Clearly, he wasn’t trying too hard, because you’re still around.”

Bofur’s jaw dropped. “Are you implying that your cat can kill me?”

“You’re the one insisting that he’s been trying.” Bilbo poked Bofur in the chest. 

“He has been!”

Bilbo stared at him. 

“How many times must I suffer through concussions because of that cat before you are convinced?”

“Well, clearly, it’s addled your brains.”

Bofur pouted. “I am taking back your present and finding a new boyfriend who doesn’t have murderous pets.”

“I’m afraid I can’t allow you to do that,” Bilbo said eerily serious. 

“Why not?”

“Well for one thing, you’re mine and I am not letting you escape. And for another thing, you might try to take Dwalin. Then Thorin will be unhappy and we can’t let Thorin be unhappy can we?”

“Oh no, not Prince Thorin,” Bofur said in mock horror. 

“Exactly, so you see, you’re really in no position to leave,” Bilbo said matter-of-factly. 

“You’re lucky that I love you despite your unhealthy attachment to your cat,” Bofur said, dragging Bilbo closer and rubbing his mustache against his cheeks. Bilbo giggled and pushed, trying to escape the ticklish sensation. Bofur eventually let himself be pushed away so poor red faced Bilbo could catch his breath. They both turned their attention back to the cats. 

Thorin was still blissfully rolling around in the shiny gold wrapping paper and batting at the bow, but Dwalin seemed to have gotten bored with it. Dwalin turned his attention to the box. With the mixer currently settled in its new permanent location on Bilbo's counter, the box stood empty next to the coffee table. Dwalin jumped onto the coffee table and then managed to leap into the box. 

Bofur chuckled. “Not too graceful that one,” he said. 

Bilbo nodded in agreement as they heard Dwalin rustle around inside the box. 

Thorin was batting at the gift bow when he seemed to realize that Dwalin was missing. He quickly lost interest in the bow and paper as he got up and started circling the box. That’s when Dwalin's paw shot out of a hole in the side and tapped Thorin on his backside. Thorin nearly did a backflip in an effort to get away. He gave an indignant growl and approached the box again. As Dwalin’s paw flew out, Thorin began to bat at it.

Bilbo chuckled and snuggled into Bofur. “We’ll never need to turn on the television again, just give them a box and watch them go.”

Thorin managed to capture Dwalin’s leg and began grooming it, making tufts of fur stick up. Dwalin slowly began to pull his leg back and Thorin mewed in protest. It was obvious, even with the main bulk of Dwalin inside of the box, that the larger cat was whipped. The fight seemed to go out of his appendage as he let it stay there for Thorin to groom.

Once Thorin was done with Dwalin’s limb, he went searching for the rest of his friend. He hopped onto the coffee table and jumped into the box where he presumably landed on top of Dwalin if the scuffle inside was anything to go by.

There was a moment of silence before an anxious mew issued from the box. There was another shuffle of bodies before the now familiar yowl started up.

“Well, looks like the show’s over,” Bilbo commented.

“How about we head out to your party a bit early?” Bofur stood up and offered Bilbo his hand. 

“Yes, let’s. I do hope Beorn has made one of his delicious honey cakes,” Bilbo said, letting Bofur pull him to his feet. 

“We’ll just have to wait and see,” he said as they quickly left the house, leaving the yowling cats to enjoy their box, and each other, in peace.


End file.
